Would you put your dollar into personalized holistic care?

I need sincere feedback from every human possible whether it be positive or negative!

For too long I have dealt with the aggravating, painful, and sometimes dangerous side effects of modern medicine along with billions of others. There is definitely a time and place for modern practices and treatments, but unfortunately all too often chemicals are prescribed as treatment to an ailment that could easily be remedied by natural products given to us directly from Mother Earth.

Somehow we have forgotten the generations of people from all different cultures that survived with naturally sourced medicine. A lot of people also died; which is why I will always reiterate that there is a time and place for modern medicine. I am acutely aware of this line due to my years as a CNA and nursing student. Unfortunately, I was forced to take a course in life away from the health care field because I simply did not agree with, and therefore could not enforce, all of their practices.

I have been studying plants, herbs, oils, and other natural remedies and recipes to provide relief for ailments without adding artificial chemicals to our bodies, and incurring the potential side effects. There are no negative side effects to natural remedies unless one happens to be allergic to a specific plant or herb which is generally a minor reaction, and regardless an easily remedied one. I’ve been creating these things for close to a year now for family and friends that suffer from different things such as migraines, anxiety, daytime sleepiness, seasonal depression, and many other things. I have yet to have one negative report back. Every product has helped at least to a minor degree to which I was able to tweak the recipe for the individual to make it more effective.

I’m not interested in mass manufacturing products that may help numerous individuals a slight amount, but I would much prefer to provide individualized care to provide the most wholesome outcome. My Associate’s Degree in Psychology and Bachelor’s in progress provides me with a beneficial insight into the wholesome care that is lacking in our healthcare system currently.

Bottom line is: I want to provide this care to any individual willing to give it a shot with money-back guarantees and the trust that you are working with someone that genuinely cares about you as a human being. The catch is this endeavor would require time and money that I am more than willing to put in! Though, I need to know it wouldn’t all be for not. I need to know this is something people would be genuinely interested in as much as I am. Please feel free to send me any questions you might potentially have. I would love to discuss further!

Thank you!


Reach Far and Wide

My last blog post about geriatric consulting is one to reference in a less more formal call to action. Within the next month I will be doing research as to the plausibility of completing the circle of mental health care for elderly in long-term care facilities. I seek to obtain the perspective of every person effected by this gap in care. I wish to obtain the insight of nursing professionals, family members of residents, Certified Nurse’s Aide’s, and I will be speaking to long-term care facility administrators to present them the opportunity to provide services such as these to their residents.

A quick recap for those that have not been made aware; the mental health treatment of the elderly in long-term care facilities is provided at the suggestion of the overstaffed nurses to the psychiatrist/physician rather than a psychiatrist with a specific plan of action for progress including regular counseling which is a part of every treatment plan for adults under the care of a psychiatrist. In my three years as a CNA, working in four different facilities, not once did I ever see a psychiatrist personally evaluate a patient. Not once did I see a therapist/counselor come to the facility for an appointment for a patient, neither did I see a resident/patient transported away from the facility for this service. We have to ask why is there such a gap in the circle of mental health care for the elderly, and what can we do to remedy this?

I plan to work with psychiatrists and nursing home professionals to provide complete mental health care to residents/patients of long-term care facilities with one-on-one appointments. My goal being to provide educated evaluations to provide to the individual’s psychiatrist, as well as an opportunity for personal therapy which is sorely lacking for residents/patients no longer in their homes, under conditions they have very little control over, and potentially very little family near or available to be there when needed. I want to be that person to make the difference. For scheduled appointments, regular appointments, emergency appointments, or anything else that comes up to potentially be beneficial.

Please take the few seconds to share this information on any source you possibly can. It could literally change and potentially lengthen the lives of elderly loved ones. Link to my original business proposal below. Thank you!!


Psychiatric Consulting in Long-Term Care Facilities

I have started a business. It is still in the early stages, though I expect to be working within three months time. What I wish to do is fill a void that currently exists in our healthcare system. Psychiatric care for the elderly is sorely lacking. My background comes from over three years of experience as a Certified Nurse’s Aide and my Associate’s degree in psychology. In my three years as a CNA, not once did I see a psychiatrist step into the building. The mental health care was being provided by the suggestion of the nurses; whom are not trained in mental health care, and statistically have less than five minutes of one-on-one time with each patient every day. How can this possibly be permissible?

I want to be the middle-man. I want to meet one on one with long-term care patients and elderly to be able to properly produce an evaluation on their mental status for a psychiatrist to make informed decisions about medication management moving forward. All too often I have seen a patient have one rough day and the next day have an ongoing prescription for a sedative that made them an entirely different person. It is truly negligence that deserves to be rectified. With this position I will also be able to include pet and music therapy which have plenty of research to back the immense benefits from an incorporation of different therapies such as these. Group therapies would be a prime opportunity for the homes to improve the quality of life of these seniors. One on one appointments will be a time to listen; for those that don’t have the family able to be available regularly.

With this venture I hope to move into a position in which I have a working relationship with several facilities where I can provide emergency psychological care. My primary goal is to help people and make a positive difference in their lives. I expect travel to be a part of this adventure, but I will do whatever it takes to maintain positive relationships and ensure everyone obtains the care they deserve.

Obviously the need is there, but where the problem lies is in the funding for a service such as this. Who is going to pay for it? Insurance companies who are already as stingy as they are? This would end up being an entire new policy for them. Some family members would recognize the need and be able to pay personally, but that leaves out the vast majority that deserves the care just as much as the others. In writing this it feels more like a social justice issue than a business.

I need to get in touch with people that are educated in this area. To help accurately evaluate the need, and potentially come up with ideas for funding. Perhaps there is another option I have not yet considered? Every single person I’ve talked to about this, even over the phone, has heard and interpreted my passion for this. All humans deserve proper mental health care, and it’s simply not happening.

Later on in the business I hope to incorporate therapies such as pet and music therapies. I feel group therapy sessions in long-term care facilities could also be immensely beneficial. This could even be a marketing technique by the facility to be able to offer these services for residents. In the following weeks I plan to be making as many contacts as possible with people within long-term care facilities to get as many perspectives as possible from the directors, nurses, and potentially even residents and family members if they are willing. Please be in touch with any information that could potentially be helpful. Thank you so very much for your time in reading this, and if you wouldn’t mind sharing this on other platforms the further this gets the better!

Unnecessary Medications

I have come to the realization that I have been taking the wrong medication for far too long, and I wonder how many people are in the same boat. How long have we been taking medications with more side effects than there are benefits? How do we realize this? How do we bring it to our doctor’s attention? Isn’t that truly their job to conclude? How long do we put up with this nonsense and continue to pump unnecessary chemicals into our bodies? Do we finally just adjust the meds down/out ourselves? How safe is this decision? How many of you are having to pay out of pocket for these medications causing unruly side effects with no real improvement in the quality of life? I can only share my story, but I know there are literally millions of people dealing with the same qualms.

I have been on a medication called quetiapine (along with many others) for probably around eight months now. And for those eight months getting out of bed in the morning has been physically impossible. Some doctors have referred to this as the “hangover” effect, and I have been told to just wait it out and “hopefully” it will just go away. It has been eight months and I still cry nearly every morning with overwhelming emotions and a body that feels like lead when it’s time for me to rise for the day. Though, there have been three specific times where this did not occur. When prescribed the medication I was told not to take it if I was not going to be able to get a full eight hours of sleep. Three times I have gone to bed super late, knowing I wasn’t going to get a full eight hours, and I did not take my nighttime medications. Even on only two hours of sleep, I felt better waking up those mornings than I had in many months. Why could this be?

Perhaps these medications are simply not right for me specifically, and I simply need to find another course. I recently started seeing a different psychiatrist, though instead of changing any of my current medications he simply added another one – a tranquilizer. He told me this would help with those overwhelming emotions, racing thoughts, and anxiety. Neither my partner nor myself have noticed any difference in those facets of my life. This doctor truly believes this medication will help me. I disagree. At what point do I take the situation into my own hands and just stop taking the medication(s)? If I feel a million times better (and less depressed and hopeless) in the morning without the medication, how can there truly be a benefit?

I have to acknowledge the danger of just stopping a medication – particularly some of the antipsychotics – without a doctor’s review. There can be more major side effects from this; another downside to these medications. Psychosis and depression can worsen to an extreme degree for the first several weeks off of a medication that was providing a steady level of chemical to the brain particularly for an extended period of time. When taking those medications it is, generally, supplying the brain with chemicals that the brain is supposedly not producing sufficient amounts of naturally – so the brain will stop self-producing these chemicals entirely because the pills are keeping the steady levels. So, when one removes those chemicals the brain goes into a varying level of shock – which can produce a multitude of different side effects on the brain and body.

Thankfully, I have insurance that pays for the doctors to keep throwing these different pills at me. Though, I’m aware of plenty of people that are actually throwing their hard earned money into these “treatments” – just to end up with horrible side effects and little-to-no benefit. People that are reaching out for assistance because this world and society have simply become too much to bear on our own. This is NOT a weakness. It takes a massive level of strength to ask for help. I would know – because I never do. I am one of those people that is entirely too stubborn and would rather fail on my own than ask for help to succeed. It’s a problem. Though, a long time ago I started down this path of medicinal mental health treatment because if I didn’t I was going to end my life. And that’s a kind of failure that was not fair to the individuals around me to embrace.

That is the primary reason I still support the current mental health system even with all of its flaws and broken aspects. Because there are people out there that do benefit from medicinal treatment. Less than we would desire or expect, but they are still out there. People that would be ending their lives otherwise and diminishing any potential they may have had. Yet, there are some people that have been in treatment for most of their lives and still can’t manage to survive. Robin Williams is the primary example. He struggled with anxiety and depression his entire life. He was also in treatment for it for most of his life. Though at a certain point, he simply couldn’t handle it anymore. He wasn’t seeing enough benefit from the treatment his surplus of money could easily afford to WANT to survive. There are all too many of us living a similar reality. At what point do we take a stand? HOW  do we even take a stand?

I am lucky enough to love and live with someone that accepts all of my flaws and helps me monitor myself. He reigns me in when my emotions become uncontrollable or unbearable, and he steadies me when I feel like I’m in a tailspin. I would do anything to wish upon all of you still reading this a person like I have. I would not still be breathing or typing this today if I had not met him. And it truly sucks to be dependent on another human in this way, but just the other day he was telling me how much better I am at handling myself and my emotions from a year ago. Not since the medications, because they came later, but because he has helped me to improve myself and make myself better.

Part of our treatment has to be what exists within our surroundings and the people we allow to be present in our lives. There are too many people suffering from depression and anxiety that is made entirely worse due to the toxic people they keep around them. A toxic job will also play a huge part in this. Leave that job, and leave that relationship. Even if the toxicity is caused by a parent or relative. Just because you may share some of the same genetic markers as another human does not mean they have to remain within your life and environment. It’s clearly easier said than done, but it is so very essential for our treatment. Perhaps it is only for a short while that you have to remove them from your environment in order for you to do some self-healing, but it is so very essential to be able to acknowledge these toxic markers that are preventing one from improving themselves.

I’ve clearly varied slightly from the topic of medications, but every word I’ve relayed is essential. It has taken over two decades of suffering to put the pieces together. And in reality, I’m still working on my self-healing. My brain suffered such severe PTSD that it actually developed narcolepsy. As if my brain just said, “I can’t handle this anymore, I’m just going to shut down and sleep at random times”. This is something that is going to take an extensive amount of time to heal. And I hope using the word “heal” is understood not in the way of repair, but rather the capability to move beyond the damage to still have a relatively happy and fulfilling life despite the things we are lacking. This is something we all deserve, and should never stop fighting for until we find it.


Let’s get real. I’m going to share some seriously personal shit because people don’t talk about this stuff like they should. For the longest time depression was not even recognized by health professionals as something to be treated. The primary reason is because nobody talked about it in order to study or treat it. I’m fairly open about my mental health, but there’s still things people generally keep to themselves in conversation because it scares people to say that you hate every single second of your existence and if it didn’t negatively affect so many people financially in my life I’d slit my wrists right now. You just can’t really say that out loud.

The biggest obstacle I feel is trying to tell your therapist/psychiatrist just enough information to the point where they don’t feel the need to involuntarily hospitalize you. The ones of us that are able to get treatment and have access to affordable medications probably take it for granted. I am on title 19 Medicaid which means I only get to see the crappiest of doctors, but that’s still more than some people have access to. It doesn’t help that our government keeps lobbying back and forth whether mental health services should be covered by insurance. Then we have a president currently who is basically criminalizing mental illness; so the rednecks that didn’t “believe in” depression before sure as hell don’t now.

I feel the biggest struggle in communicating about this illness is the fear of the reprisal from the other person. Because every now and then you’ll get bullshit comments and/or suggestions; “You should just try harder”, “We didn’t have any of that in my day so you should just put on your big girl panties and get over it”, “If you just smiled more you would be so much happier”, or “Oh yeah, I was depressed once”. Mmmkay. I’m not going to address these individually because they all get my blood boiling. Every single time this shit comes out of a persons mouth all we do is smile politely and change the subject when what we really want to do is crush their larynx under the bottom of our shoe. It’s hard to educate those that haven’t lived through it, but I can’t express how important it is for us to try.

I was first diagnosed when I was 13, and at that point I had been begging my mother to let me get help for years. She was another one of those that didn’t believe in it. She called me a bratty kid and told me I would just get over it. Some might say this is malicious but I find it funny that she’s now disabled after a mental breakdown and three suicide attempts, but this same woman wouldn’t let her 12-year-old daughter (that was on her knees on the floor in front of her crying and begging) see a counselor. It makes me sick and so very angry. I simply have no empathy left for that woman, but the pain she has inflicted is for review another day.

Since then I have dealt with a multitude of different issues, had several different diagnoses, been on at least three dozen different medications, dealt with eating disorders (anorexia nervosa and bulimia), self harm (cutting), and many other struggles. It’s an odd feeling to post a fact that only three people on this entire earth know to the internet; please don’t abuse it. Most recently I have been diagnosed with narcolepsy as a result of the trauma of my childhood and early adulthood which led to “brain damage I’ve only seen in PTSD victims that have returned from war” according to my sleep doctor. I had no clue that trauma and such could lead to literal brain damage.

What I want the take-away to be here is that we HAVE to talk about it. We have to talk about our struggles and triumphs to find like-minded people. Not one of us is alone in this and we have to do our due diligence to find others; for our sake and theirs. Humans are not meant to be alone (as much as the depression makes us think we want/deserve to be). We exist as a species on this planet to lean on and learn from each other. And know that in all of this I am personally someone who will be there if anyone is in need; for any and all.


This is a subject in which I have absolutely no idea where to begin, but I still feel it’s important to address and be open about. Too many people suffer in silence and it’s just not necessary. This stigma on mental illnesses seriously needs to end. Yesterday.

My favorite is when people claim anxiety wasn’t a problem 100 years ago, and that people just “got over it”. Because what happened behind closed doors stayed behind closed doors, and that is why we have so many adults that aren’t able to function as successful members of society and the children they raised that are now shooting up schools primarily due to untreated mental illness. And I am one of them that simply is not able to function as a productive human at this time, no matter how hard I try.

This is not the time to re-live the past or the reasons I developed this awful condition. It literally affects every single aspect of my day. Every thought running through my head is laced with a touch of anxiety; meaning there is always the potential for something to go wrong and my brain has to process every single potential reality at all times. Every single time I get into my car I have to check the backseat and trunk. Then I have to check all around me before hopping in the car and locking it immediately. This may be more appropriate behavior when in a parking lot late at night, but I have to do this every single time I get into my car; even if it’s in my locked garage. There’s no real reason, except the anxiety.

I spend a lot of time in my house alone which is not beneficial to my mental health AT ALL. There are always odd noises that bother me enough without the dogs barking at every single noise as well. I have to check my windows and doors multiple times to make sure they are all locked; even if I only checked them the hour before and nothing had changed. I just don’t remember the last time I felt truly safe in my environment. And I have medications that are supposed to help with these things, but just another case where the pharmeceuticals are just keeping me in this condition in order to make more money.

I believe the worst anxiety is when I can’t initially recognize it. Over the years I have been fairly suggessful in acknowledging when the anxiety is starting to take over and to start taking measures to prevent it. I always start with meditation, deep breathing, essential oils, and other measures. But they might work 35% of the time. So, I’ll be restless with an increased heart rate. I’ll become manic and speaking really fast, and the irritability causes the most issues. It is at this point where I can generally acknowledge the anxiety…it just depends on the level. Whether it turns into a panic attack or not.

Now onto what anxiety can look like…the worst I ever experienced as a panic attack was when I had to lock myself in the trunk of my car with the keys because it was the only place where I could feel safe. Small dark places, like my closet and under the bed, are my go-to’s  when I just need a place to feel safe. Reading used to be of help when I was younger, or being outdoors. But now being out of my house causes more anxiety than anything else. The idea of people’s eyes on me is simply unbearable. It doesn’t help that I’m not necessarily entirely awful to look at, so I wear baggy and dark clothes to try to blend in and not be seen.

Other times it is the separation anxiety that scares me the most. The world is a dangerous place as my brain reminds me frequently, and any person could die at any time. Every time a loved one steps out of my door I feel my heart tearing. It’s not that I hear voices per say, but my brain regularly tells me the worst case scenario that could ever possibly occur at any time. Just my significant other backing out of the driveway worries me that someone could be coming down the road and side-swipe him. I’ve never experienced a love where I was terrified to the core of my soul and being that something might happen to them. The worst part is that I don’t even feel this way about my biological family. After everything that has happened…..I just don’t care. And that is an awful thing to say or even think.

I could write a book. And I’ve honestly thought about it. Similar to “The Child Called It” type lifestyle. There is so much more to write on this topic, but I would much rather hear from others about what they experience and what they do to aide the daily anxiety. Can comment on this or contact me through the site itself. I just want to live in a world where none of us have to deal with this debilitating mental illness.

Pain In The Brain

This is going to be a hard one for me. I have been diagnosed with so many different disorders I don’t even believe these “professionals”. But the fact remains that I do have chemical imbalances in my brain that make it very difficult to function within my daily life.

My brain literally attacks me. It will create awful thoughts and scenarios that I can’t help but to believe is true. It can be the simplest thing; from someone giving me a side eye at a restaurant which will send me spinning into a panic with a million reasons why they would do that, if I did something wrong, if the way I dressed was offensive or something they deemed inappropriate.

The worst is the thoughts put into my head about my significant other. He is the most gracious person in the world for putting up with and supporting me through my eccentricities. My brain tells me he’s cheating, lying about his location, and hiding things from me but it simply is not the case. This man loves me more than anything and I trust him with all of my heart; never given me the slightest reason to doubt. But my brain reports otherwise not matter how much I tell it it’s wrong. Does anybody else have conversations with their brain? Golly I hope I’m not the only one there…

The sedatives they put me on are changed every two weeks; just long enough for the side effects to run their course, and then they switch me to something else.

The depression I can handle, but the anxiety I can’t. And it sure as hell doesn’t help that because there are those few people that abuse prescription meds I am unable to get the ones I need because of my age and other bullhonky reasons. Every doctor sees me as a pill seeker and I absolutely can’t stand it. I didn’t even want these chemicals in my body but my homeopathic remedies were not sufficient.

The medications have also caused my eyesight to worsen greatly, it has affected my speech causing stutters and other issues, and I have the shakes almost constantly. These side effects aren’t deemed serious enough to deal with so I just have to keep trucking though it until something sticks and finally works.

I do have to note that there are plenty of other ways to treat mental disorders that are not pharmaceutical, but it’s all a money scheme for the rich to become richer as we barely survive (and some don’t). I would also like to note there is specific plant that is very helpful in treating these conditions, but it is currently illegal in Iowa and it is entirely saddening to me. There has to be a better solution than the healthcare system currently in place in this country. So upsetting.

Gotta try to keep the positive attitude though and just keep hoping for one day living a life without pain ☺️

Thanks guys! Sending good vibes as always ✌️