Provigil (Modafinil)

If anyone else has taken this medication, and has more/different perspective, please share your experience. Because mine has been absolutely horrid. I was prescribed this medication only a few days ago for Narcolepsy, and have felt like complete crap since I first put it in my body.

I was supposed to be up working on the eight-page paper I have due today and studying for the three-hour online final I have to accomplish today, but I can’t get out of bed! I feel like I drank a whole bottle of vodka last night and hit my head when I fell off the bar from dancing the night away. I assure you I was in bed before 10, but I still feel absolutely horrible. And almost all of these drugs produce awful side effects.

I have been on 18 different medications in the last six weeks. And the worst part is all of my conditions these meds are supposed to be treating are only getting worse. I just got the official narcolepsy diagnosis about two months ago. Since then my condition has worsened to me falling out of chairs when I nod off, falling forward off my couch with my computer and textbook still in my lap, to nodding off during the Infinity Wars premier! Like, who does that?? I wasn’t even tired walking in, I just can’t control it.

I tried all of the holistic treatments and such that I could afford. I finally decided to go to a trained medical professional to handle these issues and they only get worse?! Of course this all happens at the end of the term when I have two papers (10 & 8 pages long) and two three-hour finals to take! Seriously loathing life right now.



Nearly four months ago I was diagnosed with narcolepsy. I had issues with my sleep my entire life. As a kid it would take hours to get to sleep; to the point where there were several times, I watched the sun rise out of my window because I simply couldn’t sleep. Before going to the sleep doctors I tried every single natural remedy I could think of; different herbal teas and supplements as well as melatonin and other such aids to no avail. I still could not sleep through the night, but my biggest qualm was that I would wake up every single day feeling more tired than when I laid down to go to sleep.

The problem is, I feel like the medications are making it worse. They have had me on methylphenidate, Adderall, temazepam, and one other stimulant so far in which I have not noticed any significant difference. Oh, except for the fact that now I am literally falling asleep anywhere and everywhere with no notice, when before it was only a problem that if I laid down my head anywhere I could fall asleep in minutes. And I’ll admit there were a few times I fell asleep at my desk in the very early mornings, but no matter how tired I had been in the past I never fell asleep during a movie. I feel much shame in admitting this; I fell asleep during Infinity Wars like six different times. I missed the ending and will have to go back this weekend to make up for this epic failure.

I just don’t understand how I wasn’t randomly falling asleep before the drugs, but all of a sudden now I am. They also have some pretty severe interactions with common medications; like I can’t even take Acetaminophen for a headache. And they are a hassle having to be taken at specific times a specific amount of times per day. I go in tomorrow to see if there are even any other medications they can put me on because I’ve already gone through all of the¬†normal treatments.

When the doctor first told me about this diagnosis he told me that my brain showed signs of severe brain damage, and he asked if I had ever had any accidents in which I hit my head or had any type of damage. I told him I had never had so much as a concussion in my entire life. He then tells me the only other time he’s seen this is in PTSD victims that have returned from war and proceeds to ask me if I had experienced any trauma in my life to this point to where I literally laughed in his face. Where would you like me to start? But NEVER did I think any of it would result in actual brain damage.

Almost all of the research from general sources state the exact same useless things. I plan to dig deeper into this when I potentially have time, but the sources I plan to inspect are difficult to find and take time that I do not have. If anyone else has information or related experiences feel free to share; I would appreciate the input ūüôā

So I have this idea…

I have an idea in which my significant other believes is a plan to retire on rather than to try to implement in the here and now. I have been studying Buddhism. There are many different interpretations, but the most significant point is that there is not one single deity that is meant to be feared and respected in a way that causes us to follow them in any type of fashion or to follow direction or orders. Buddhism is all-inclusive¬†for every single human, and it is not the “religion” so many people assume it to be. Regardless of skin color, sexual orientation, disability, or anything else that makes you “different” from the “normal” that society has established. It is focused on the NOW and connecting to the energy that is within everything.

Meditating clearly a huge part of Buddhism. Though, until you truly study meditation how can you possibly know it’s immense benefits? Most people (particularly millennials) have a difficult time achieving¬†true meditation. This simply involves clearing your mind of every single thought and just experiencing your senses and the energy that surrounds us at all times. I can’t speak for anyone else, but this sounds like a simple task yet is truly not. I have been trying for weeks and have only reached it once and was so surprised that I bounced right back out of it.

It is so very important to release the troubles and struggles of our days if only for 15 minutes. After that point, there are so many other possibilities. I would love to speak with someone further in regard to meditation practices. This is not yet in my reach, and I have more research to do. But this is only the back story of my big idea!

I want to find a place (temple/facility) in which any human will be able to come for help without any possible fear. I want the basis and the stronghold to be in Buddhism and inclusiveness, but I also want to be able to use my Associate’s degree in Psychology to include consulting such as crisis management. I want people who are afraid of hospitals, or the police, or any other repercussions due to an acute or crisis event to be able to come to this place for assistance. I hope to be able to provide them all of the resources they need to properly address the issue and to assist them through the anguish in order to move forward in life. This could also include assistance within the community and connecting to resources as well.

I have no idea how this could potentially happen as I would have to find the location and the money, but as soon as I discovered Buddhism I knew I had to connect it to my goal of being some type of crisis counselor/consultant. Perhaps I will continue my degree in order to assist our organization even further. Either way, I do not feel as if this is an entirely unreasonable or irrational goal. I just want to help people, and I am absolutely certain that this is an excellent way for me to do this.

Regardless of the fact that I would be my own boss, be able to bring my pets to work every day, have the accommodations to deal with the daily pain, and to just help people to deal with the horrible events and experiences that life throws our way. I have started applying for grants. Which is great because now I’m not just researching Buddhism wasting time on my homework, I’m now researching donors and such that might potentially help me to make this happen. I have an eight-page paper due tomorrow that I ended up getting an extension on, apparently, to be able to spread the word on this.

I’ve never understood when someone said they had a “calling”. This has to be mine. Which in this life usually means it is going to be taken away from me because it makes me happy, so I hope you guys have some suggestions in which to implement my strategy better.

Peace, love, and good vibes as always ‚̧

Tea For Pain Relief

We have an absolutely adorable little natural food store in town called Wheatsfield, and anybody who knows me is aware of my obsession with this establishment. They have every single natural item I have yet to look for. My favorite section, however, is their section of loose items. I am positive this section has a proper name of which Google could most likely provide, but I am simply too excited to share this with you.

So, they have everything from loose freshly ground spices to loads of loose teas. Their loose teas make up nearly half of this section so I would highly recommend this if you are a fan of the freshness of dried loose teas and/or mixing/matching different kinds. The best part is I have been in numerous whole-food stores (if you haven’t already as well) and they are set up very similarly. So, you should be able to walk into most any whole foods store and be able to find these exact items. They are sold loose so you can choose the precise amount you would like, the container for it to be stored in, and for the freshness/organicness of the product. As for the teas, there are a variety of methods for steeping and storing methods provided for your convenience.

In my desire for pain relief and the freedom from pharmaceuticals, I have done copious amounts of research in which I have found different methods to best assist with pain. My primary focus was nerve pain, though I did use these for other aches/pains as well and would suggest the use of any of these for any person for the use of any type of pain relief.

Turmeric root – you may have heard of this recommendation before or have seen it on the shelf as a supplement in capsule/pill form. This is something very beneficial to our bodies and can start to cause many different issues when lacking a certain amount. I purchase this in powder form from Wheatsfield, adding it to every tea I brew, and adding it to every recipe that it doesn’t completely ruin with its pungent taste. Tumeric can at times react with other flavors to result in some awful creations. I believe it was the lemon bread I tried to add just half a teaspoon to, and it was absolutely ruined. Looking back on this decision, it may have been fairly clear from the beginning this was not the best plan. Though adding it to smoothies, drinks, and other such recipes whenever possible helps with pain immensely.

Ginger root Рthis is another product I found easily at my whole foods type Wheatsfield store in the same section as the turmeric in powdered form. (Another you have also probably heard that we are lacking and helps with pain.) This is much more versatile and can be added to more recipes and smoothies than the turmeric. Another ingredient I added to my teas. Both this and the turmeric root target the relief of nerve pain.

*Quick relief: I discovered when in a pain crisis if I took really cold water along with some lemon juice, a touch of honey, a quarter teaspoon of ginger root (more if you can handle it), a quarter teaspoon of turmeric root (more if you can handle it), and just drank it as fast as possible this was the best natural solution I found in a crisis situation.

There are so many other areas of life that different hot and cold teas can be of great help. I have heard that Elderberries (a dried flower tea) does wonders for nearly every single ailment and/or illness. Which explains why my precious Wheatsfield is sold out nearly every single time I am in the store. I have been adding poppy seeds to my tea as I have heard of their pain-relieving properties with no such luck. I have considered purchasing a mortar and pestle in which to crack the seeds before use to see if that makes a difference. The research online is very lax in this area. If anyone has any tips or tricks feel free to shoot them my way!

I will finish up in here with Green Matcha Tea. If this is something you have not yet discovered or heard of I implore you to look into it further. It has entirely replaced my morning coffee in regards to focus. It is a decaffeinated tea, but it provides the exact same jumpstart to my day. You can purchase it in prepackaged tea bags of course. Though, there are also other methods; such as retail in loose powder bags or generally it can be found in most whole food stores. All of these items are also becoming more and more common in the larger chain stores; so, who knows where you may come across these items next!

I am always doing research to try to find new ways to help myself and people like myself that have thus far faced the fact that we are going to be in pain for the rest of our lives, but I simply cannot accept that. I would love to read thoughts, comments, stories, improvements in messages, just reach out folks!



Of course, they denied the first one application, but it sounds like they just might approve the appeal…if they don’t I don’t know what we’ll do. Oh, gee…phone’s ringing…

She tells me I can’t “expect” to hear back from them until June. JUNE. Hogwash. I’m going to end up having to get two shit jobs working shit hours just to pay the bills. It’s just a matter of picking which shit jobs. The process takes so long what are we supposed to do in the meantime. If it takes more than six months to even potentially get a penny from disability how does everyone not end up on the streets?! I was lucky enough my tax return came in when it did. The only reason I am surviving right now.

Tell me your stories about the disability system. The ups and downs. I want it all. I’m hoping it is not all terrible because in speaking to other people so far I have yet to hear a positive note.

And all the people that make us feel anything negative about filing or taking disability, you can kindly fudge right off. You simply can’t understand. Whether it be physical pain, a psychological illness, or any other reason that sure as hell is not your business; do not ever make someone feel less than for being on or taking disability. You have no clue what happens behind closed doors. Of course, there are people that take advantage of the system. But there are people that take advantage of every damn system!. Dirty cops. Theifs in retails shops. Pirating music. But this system was put in place because there are¬†clearly enough of us out there struggling. So back the fack off.

Thanks for letting me rant loved ones. I can never stand up for myself but when it comes to literally anyone else, I would take a bullet¬†(even a virtual one) for any stranger. ‚̧

Pain Free

So, I’m gonna be real. I’m gonna be damn real. And I hope you are too. I want to connect with people. Real people. People that aren’t like me because all of us experience pain differently, and I can’t understand why science, society, and our healthcare system can’t understand this. If I say I’m in pain help me. That is your damn job. How many times have you gone to the physician’s office for them to tell you I’m sorry but I can’t help you?¬† Too freaking many.

One of my biggest struggles right now is trying to find a doctor to help me treat my fibromyalgia. Any persons with fibromyalgia please reach out!! My primary care physician straight up told me…swear to every higher power…exact words…” well, I don’t believe in that illness, so…you’re going to have to go somewhere else to get help for that”. Yet you can’t go see a specialist¬†or anything without a referral. I don’t understand how a doctor can just refuse to treat an illness?? I found a referral to a new primary care physician 45 minutes away I hope she’s worth the drive.

I have found a lot of great home remedies for different types of pain I would love to share if you’d like to get in touch with me. My goal is for one day for everyone to live pain-free. I truly feel as if we have the science, technology, and what the earth has naturally provided us with it is simply being put to uses that are not as essential as the current leader of this country believes. I also love respectable¬†debates, so bring it on as long as we can be cordial folks. Love, peace, and happiness¬† ‚̧